I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
