I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
