if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
