it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This is my gift to your gina
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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