He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
