Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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