i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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