don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I am spending my child support on dildos
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
