I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just had sex on a roof
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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