Please, let me fuck your mom
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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