I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
cat food counts as protein by the way
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
