I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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