fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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