Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
