Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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