So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
