how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
