you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
