they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
