1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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