nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
