So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
