how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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