I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
