Pants 0. Shit 1.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize