dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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