the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
