so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
