I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize