Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
