omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
