If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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