So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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