Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
