She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my being single is dangerous.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize