I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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