i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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