thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
