Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
