Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
