I got her a Nickelback box set.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
