one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
