PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
