Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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