I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Randomize
