Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
