I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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