Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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