Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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