once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
