Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
