I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
