I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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