white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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