Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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