And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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