Your face is a jimmy john
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
