If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
