Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
