Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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