Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
