we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
