omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
