Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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