if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
