Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
