I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I want to fling myself into the sun
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
