I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize