The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
