its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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