i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
